Stupid Cupid
by Starlite Princess
Summary: Certain Hogwarts students are getting a little frustrated at the platonic nature of their friends' relationship. Naturally they decide to speed the romance along a little. So what if things tend to go a little askew?


Authors Notes:  I'm in the middle of a bout of writers block and this is my first foray into the realm of Harry Potter fan fiction.  That's not to say that I haven't read it – hell, at the time of the HPPS movie release I lived off the stuff – but I've never written it before.  I was a H/Hr shipper from the start and I don't think I'll be changing my mind any time this millennium, so that's pretty much all I'll be writing.  Not that I don't love the action, the adventure and all the rest of it, but the romance is so much more fun!

Stupid Cupid Prologue                   Operation Pumpkin Pie 

There was no way to endure it any longer – it had gotten to the point where it was getting bloody ridiculous.  And so, in light of the awkward nature of the problem, a select few decided to meet up and rectify the situation, using any means possible …

"I don't know how much more of this I can take," Ginny Weasley exclaimed dramatically, flicking her reddish hair behind her ear in irritation.  Eyes narrowed, she crossed her arms huffily over her chest and wrinkled her nose in distaste.

Lavender Brown nodded wholeheartedly in agreement.  "There's a very fine line between cute and nauseating.  And those two have not only crossed that line, but they've surpassed it and created their own freaking highway."

"Hey, just be thankful that you don't have to spend that much time with them," Ron Weasley shuddered.  "If I have to put up with any more of those dreamy sighs and schmaltzy looks, I swear I'll go completely batty.  In fact, I'm surprised I haven't been committed yet."

"So am I," Lavender muttered underneath her breath.  

Ron whipped his head around and regarded her murderously.  "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Why don't you figure it out pretty boy?"

Quickly seeing that Ron and Lavender were only seconds away from pummelling each other senseless, Ginny interrupted smoothly.  "Children," she said archly, shooting them both a glare.  "We are here to figure out a solution to this disturbing series of events.  We are not here to knock each other into insensibility.  You can do that in your own time.  I do have better things to do, you know."

Ron had the decency to look vaguely ashamed.  Lavender just glowered meaningfully at him, noticeably indicating that this little spat would be dealt with in due time.  Ron had no doubt that it would involve an awful lot of pain and endless diatribe on her behalf.

"Fine," Lavender acquiesced gracefully.  "But it's not my fault that you're brother's a bloody idiot."

"And it's not my fault that Lavender's a sycophantic little–"

"Ron," Ginny warned.

"–witch."

"Boy, there's enough UST in here to cut with a knife," a cool voice remarked. "Why don't you two just admit you're hot for each other and skip right to the naughty part."

Ginny glanced up and bit her lip to prevent the giggle that threatened to escape.  "Shut up, Malfoy."

Ron and Lavender, who were seated on the same bench, involuntarily scooted further apart, identical looks of dismay on their faces.  They shared a hesitant look and then turned quickly away, each focusing their full attention on the highly polished tabletop as though it held the secrets to the universe.  

"Malfoy," Ginny said with exaggerated patience.  "You could probably improve this conversation by keeping your mouth shut."

"What?" Draco Malfoy shrugged.  "I shut them up, didn't I?"

Shaking her head at the irritating blond stretched out beside her, Ginny shuffled a sheaf of parchment on the table and nestled her chin against her palm.  "Alright," she said finally.  "We're all aware of the situation and we're all on the brink of insanity as a direct result of the aforementioned situation.  So the question remains – what are we going to do about it."

"Kill em all," Malfoy drawled.  At the petite redhead's stare, he shrugged again.  "It's just a suggestion."

"I really think something a little less homicidal would work much better."

"What we need," Lavender said, absently tapping her fingernails on the tabletop.  "Is a plan.  All we have to do is figure out a way to throw them together and pray that they'll admit their true feelings."

Ron shook his head.  "But they already spend every waking hour together – and they still have yet to admit a damn thing.  No, we need to do something a little more drastic."

"Right," Ginny agreed.  "Any suggestions?" She narrowed her eyes at Malfoy, who was in the middle of opening his mouth.  "Suggestions that don't involve killing either Harry or Hermione."  His mouth shut.

They spewed ideas back and forward for a good quarter of an hour and Ginny dutifully committed them to parchment, her quill moving back and forth as the ideas grew more and more zealous as the minutes passed.  She prayed to the powers that be that she wouldn't actually have to implement some of the more erratic ideas, no matter how fun they seemed – then again, both parties were incredibly stubborn and downright dense.  It would probably take an awful lot of convincing … 

The doors to the Great Hall swung open and four sets of eyes turned to where students were already streaming in for dinner.  Ginny hurriedly snatched the sheaf of parchment away from the tabletop as the golden plates and goblets popped up along the length of the tables.  

Harry and Hermione strolled through the double doors, chatting animatedly as they made their way toward the end of the Gryffindor table.  Even as the four sitting down watched, Hermione paused and shifted her books from one arm to the other, never taking her eyes off Harry's face for a moment.  

"Oh god, they're doing it again," Lavender murmured.  

"Yes, drastic action certainly needs to be taken," Ginny agreed.  She glanced up as Harry and Hermione neared their little group and leaned forward, almost landing face forward in a jug of pumpkin juice.  "Listen up.  Operation –" she broke off, her brow furrowing as she considered her options.  Something on the table caught her eye and grinned.  For some reason, it seemed oddly appropriate.  

"Operation Pumpkin Pie commences tomorrow morning.  Meeting adjourned people."

_… to be continued …_

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